so i’ve been watching one tree hill reruns a lot lately. i love it. i am officially hooked. peyton pisses me off. she whines too much and her life is SO dramatic. she reminds me of someone a LITTLE too much…so i really don’t like her. i love brooke. she may be a major skank…but she really does love lucas. i am convinced of it. lucas is hot. and i want to marry him. nathan and haley are mfeo. i like acronyms. this post is pretty random. oh well.
so like i said last post, i have started a fast. day 3 is today. its the easiest day so far. its strange to be full the whole day but want food so bad. deep. i’m so full of (my) worldly desires and needs. but i still want. i’m still STARVING for something else. something more. hopefully God will help me develop those thoughts over the next several days.
so day 3. i’ve peed 9 times so far. its 2:15 pm. i drink 3 liters of this lemonade mixture and 140 ounces of water a day. its not so bad. the salt water flush was this morning…not fun. colon cleanser from top to bottom. not fun. necessary, though.
i looked at jacob’s yearbook last night, and thumbed through the autograph pages. yearbooks make me sad, nostaligic (expected), confused. memories flood my mind all at once. i always want to cry and laugh at the same time. i read what i wrote in jacob’s yearbook, and remembered different times. we’re so much older, wiser (yeah right). i’m so much different. i’ve grown up so much during the past 4 years. made mistakes. asked for forgiveness. used people. let people use me. reading it was like watching embers glow brightly, then crackle and fade. i thought about how easy it was to be happy.
its still easy to be happy. just not quite as easy as it was then. maybe i’ll learn.
